Wednesday, July 25, 2012

what i miss

Nearly 3 weeks in.

And while I am very happy working, and like the people and job and such,
what I gave up is starting to set in.

It is a transition.
I know this.
It will be easier when school starts.
I hope this.

I have been spoiled and lucky to get to be home with her as long as I was.
And my job situation is really ideal.
And I was lucky to find it.

But there are some things that I just really miss.

Like lazy mornings.
And hearing her little feet patter down the stairs while I am drinking my coffee.
And knowing she is getting a good healthy breakfast.

And deciding what we are going to do for the day.
And then doing it.

I miss having time.
Just time.
I feel rushed a lot now.
And I don't like this feeling.

I don't feel present.

 I feel like I am missing stuff.
Not important stuff.
But sometimes that is the most important stuff of all.
I don't like to miss stuff.

And she is mad at me.
She doesn't know it.
But she is.
She asked me on Sunday night if I was going to work again this week.
Broke my heart a little.
 But we are soldiering on.
Figuring it all out.
It will get easier.
It will become normal.
And for that I am grateful.
But I'm not a fan of the transition.
Not even a little.


C. Beth said...

Hugs, Tia. Transitions are hard (for the whole family.) It sounds like such an ideal job for the school year...which will be here before we know it. You are such a great mama!

Jessilyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessilyn said...

Being a first time mom it was very hard for me to go back to work. I was lucky enough that I had family available to watch my son. Then that was no longer an option and I had to settle for daycare. Ah! You want to talk about awful! I felt like the worst mother ever! Luckily, that didn't last long and we have another family member. That is the thing about a transition, it doesn't last long and everyone gets used to the change and it becomes the norm. It doesn't make you miss staying home any less though! I still wish I could just cuddle my son in the morning and not have to rush off to work! I guess thats what Saturday and Sunday are for : ( Goodluck with your transition! I'm happy you like your new job.