too close

I like to know what's going on.

I like to hear things.

I even like to gossip.

 

But this.

I don't want to know about this.

Not any of it.

 

I don't want to know why or when or where.

I especially don't want to know how many.

 

I don't want to think about unopened Christmas presents.

Or left-behind sisters and brothers.

I don't want to fathom a mother's arms who are holding special stuffed animals,

trying to smell a familiar smell,  

instead of tiny little warm bodies.

 

It's too much.

Too close.

 

They were 6.

She is 6.

 

I have stayed away from the news.

Stayed away from Facebook

I don't want to hear the childen's accounts of what happened.

The sensationalism of it all.

It makes me so very sad.

 

So instead I do what every other fortunate mother is doing.

I hug her tighter.

And relish her smell and giggles.

And even her whinyness.

Cause she is still here.

I still have her.

No random act of awfulness has stolen her from me.

 

Today we are in our matching jammies.

Baking cookies and finishing up our homemade Christmas presents.

I am so lucky.

So very, very, very lucky.

 

God bless those affected.

God bless those families.

God bless those mothers.

And God bless those sweet little boys and girls.