Noonie

This is the post I don't want to write.

So I'm going to do it fast and get it over with.

My Noonie died.

He had been sick for a long time.

But that doesn't make it any easier.

He changed when my mother died.

Everyone saw it.

He missed her so damn much.

He got all new friends.

A whole new life really.

I didn't blame him.

Much.

I think it was just too hard to be around us.

'Us' being everyone who knew them together.

It was a long 10 years for him I think.

It's weird.

I feel like an orphan.

I'm 36 years old, a wife and a mother, and I feel like an orphan.

I am all that is left.

If I am being honest with myself, I am not quite sure how I am dealing with all of it.

I don't cry.

I feel a little hollow.

But it is still new.

So it can only get better.

Right?

In the meantime, let me tell you a little about my Dad.

The man could tell a tale.

Could make you believe a story was true no matter how preposterous it was.

I'm not kidding.

He once had some gullible people, who shall remain nameless (Paige and Ken Palladino), believing that President Garfield had twin sons that no one knew of (Orville and Norville) and how they were the reason he was assassinated or something crazy like that.

The story went on for an hour or more.

The 'deception was in the details', or so he liked to say.

I mean, they were hanging on his every word.

He could dance.

There was nothing I liked better as a child than watching my parents dance.

They were really good.

He was an insanely good athlete.

Baseball, basketball, and golf were his favorites.

He was determined I was going to be one too.

I wasn't.

But he never gave up the dream.

I did get pretty good at golf though, so that appeased him.

When my mother would go on vacation without us,

he would buy me hideous food,

(think chocolate donuts and red pop)

and rent me really inappropriate movies.

Like, really inappropriate.

Children of the Corn when I was 7 or 8.

And Revenge of the Nerds when I was 10.

Do you remember all the nudity that is in the movie?

He made the best homemade milkshakes.

Snored louder than any other human alive.

Gave the best hugs.

Was the only person I have ever known who could make instant coffee drinkable.

Had 3 holes in one, one of those being after an eagle.

Had the bluest eyes.

Always took my side in teenage angsty arguments with my mother.

Bought me my first car.

Married the love of his life and treated her like a queen.

Showed me what to look for in a husband.

He was a good daddy.

I miss him.

Back

I have missed this space.

I thought I could let it go, as life got really busy.

With my girl.

And work.

And other stuff.

You know, just general busyness.

But I don't feel myself unless I am putting my thoughts out there for all to see.

I am not going to get too deep with this post.

This is just a heads up.

I AM BACK.

So be prepared. I predict lots of randomness, with a dash of humor, and a fair share of sentimentality. 

PS.  Hi Papa Joe :)

international day of the girl

October 11 is International Day of the Girl.

Luckily I have a girl.

A fantastic girl.

In honor of such an important day, I thought I would write her a little note.  

A note she won't read for years to come, but still important.

Dear Ellie,

I love you.

I love how confident you are.

I love what a good friend you are and how you genuinely care about the people around you.

I love the outfits you come up with and how insane they are, yet somehow work.

I love how you still curl into me when we read at night.

I love that crazy gap toothed smile.

I love that you love to talk.  And talk.  And talk.

I love the way you smell.  

If I get down deep in that neck, I can still smell the tiny baby smell.

Barely, but it's there.

I hope you are always confident.

That you always fly your freak flag proudly.

That you continue to love what you love no matter what others say.

Whether or not it's cool.

(for the record, I love Barbra Streisand, stale popcorn, and I carry a hankie and will shout it from the rooftops.)

I hope you go from being nice to your friends, to befriending the lonely.  

Be a champion.

Be the girl that others girls want to be.

Not because you are the prettiest or the best dressed.

But because you are the kindest.

I hope you are always brave in your choices.

Right now it is clothes and shoes and hanging upside down from the monkey bars.

Someday, I hope that bravery is present when making the tough decisions.

To go away to school.

To get a doctorate or not.

To travel.

Good grief.

I hope you are brave enough to do it all.

I hope I am always your base.

Your soft place to land.

Your sounding board and your voice of reason.

I hope you always love me like you do right now.

Or some grown up version of it at least.

I want you to remember that you are awesome.

All the time.

Even when you make a mistake.

Especially when you make a mistake.

Life is all about the mistakes we make and learning from them.

I want you to make a bunch of them.

When you have grown up, 

 and done everything you want to do with your life,

I want you to find someone who loves you for you.

Who makes you laugh so hard your sides hurt.

Someone who rubs your feet and always fills your car with gas because he know you hate to do it.

Someone you are willing to work hard with to make a good life together.

I want you to find someone who you never have to worry about.

Never have to second guess.

Someone who you have complete and total trust in.

Someone you find sinfully handsome. 

I want your life partner to be your best friend.

It's just easier that way.

And this is the one area of your life I want to be easy for you.

As it's been for me.

Dear Ellie,

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

You are the coolest girl I know.

new gig

Things always have a way of working out.

Chris got promoted at work.

His flexibility went from a bunch to hardly any.

Which means I need to be way more flexible.

At my current job that just wasn't possible.

So I started talking to people.

It is amazing what that can do.

A simple conversation here and there.

I happened to run into a friend of mine the end of July.

A few conversations and a personality test later,

and I have the job of my dreams.

Business Manager for Prosper for Purpose.

http://www.prosperforpurpose.com/

I will be doing a little of this and a little of that.

And I get to work with two fabulous women.

And a bunch of fantastic clients.

No joke.

Welcome to my new office.

Yep.

My very own dining room.

Oh.

Here is my new co-worker.

He is so cute.

But a titch lazy.

I think I will be covering his butt a time or two.

captured in a photo

This is so her right now.

Hair in a messy pony.

Half rubbed off tattoo on her hand.

Chipped nail polish.

Ready for any excitement that comes her way.

Ready to throw her hands up and ride the waves.

All of these are my very favorite things about her.

At least at this moment.

This parenting thing?

It just gets better and better and better.

remembering

Summer is just getting right by me.

I don't like that.

Time goes so dang fast.

Why does it have to do that?

I mean, I sneezed and it was the end of July.

My girl and I,

we have struggled a bit this summer.

She wants me home.

Heck.

I want me home.

But it is just not in the cards.

So before I forget,
I want to remember her how she is.
Right this very moment.

She is funny.
Good gravy that girl makes me laugh.

Her hair is never fully brushed.
Ever.
Never Ever.
Drives me nuts.

Nothing she wears matches.

She loves baby polar bear.
And barbies.
And her scooter.
And ice cream.

She is good at softball.
Like, good.
Her little arm is still not strong enough to throw it very far, but watch out when it is.
She is on a co-ed 6-10 year old team.
Yes.
10 year old boys on her team.
I'm not scared anymore.
She can hold her own.
She lifts her chin up when she strikes out.
She wants to cry.
But doesn't.
Cause there's no crying in baseball.



She is convinced she will be the first female American Ninja Warrior.
And we never miss an episode.

She's excited for school.
But mostly cause it means new shoes.
Lord help me.

She is so pretty.
And I struggle not to tell her every single time I look at her.
It's a fine line.
Wanting her to know how gorgeous she is.
But wanting her not to care at all.

She is so strong!
She can do things I could never do.
Ever.
Shimmy up a rope.
One armed push-ups.
Girlfriend is fierce!

She is sensitive.
To the point of distraction.
This worries me to no end.
Her feelings get hurt so easily.
Just like mine do.
And I know how hard that is.

She is almost half way through 7.
I like 7.
I like that she wants to be around me.
I'm not sure how much longer that is going to last.
 I like her.
That will last forever.

can i have some cheese shets?

I have been waiting for this moment since the day she was born.

My little toothless wonder.

I went to pick her up from camp last Friday and she came running up to me all closed mouthed yet smiley.

When she smiled, her little toothers were gone!

2 in one day!

Apparently, a little girl in camp has a mom for a dentist and coached Ellie through pulling them out.

Thank goodness!

(They were at that gross, really dangly, discolored stage.)

We talked about it and I high fived her.

But was slightly disappointed in her lack of speech impediment.

Then she got in the car and asked for some Cheez-its.

"Mom?  Can I have some cheezshets?"

I burst out laughing.

There it was! 

The funny sounding esses!

She laughed too and we spent the rest of the trip home finding funny things for her to say.

I love Jeshus!

Shassafrash!

Shelly shells sheshells by the sheshore!

7 might be my favorite age so far.