reality

The reality is this corner of our kitchen always looks like this.  Always.  Currently there are library movies to take back, a half eaten kashi bar, my extra cool fanny pack to hold my gu on longer runs, my trusty pedometer, and any paperwork that we don't know what else to do with.

The reality is my vegatable drawer is sorely lacking.  Look at that pitiful little red pepper.

The reality is we have the fattest cat this side of the universe.

The reality is the landing at the top of our stairs is a catch all for whatever needs to be put away.

The reality is I have a 4 year old who loves to line things up.

The reality is if I have to make these little animals "talk" one more time, I might go crazy.

The reality is her bed never gets made.  Never Ever.

The reality is I have totally given up trying to keep her drawers organized.  She pulls things out all willy nilly.

The reality is I need a bigger closet.  I mean, seriously.  Look at that disaster. 

The reality is my kitchen sink looks like this all the time.  There is always left over somethingorother nearby, stuff to put in the dishwasher, and usually a dirty wine glass waiting to be washed.  And yes.  I use splenda.  I drink too much coffee to use regular suger.  I would weigh 400 pounds.

PS...The reality is I need a new kitchen.  Desperately.  Now that we are sticking around for awhile, we are deciding what we want to do...

What's your reality?

a good day

What a day! 

We went to Cedar Point to cheer our friends on their very first Half Iron Man!  That would be a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 miles running.  Insantiy.

They all did great! And we are very very proud of them.

As we were waiting for them to finish, we managed to have some fun.

We realized that Ellie is a total daredevil and we are going to have to hire someone to go with us to places like this when she is old enough to ride everything.  Chris and I are good for about 2 rides each and then we are done.  We get headaches and stomach aches.  

Getting old sucks. 

Chris did, however, ride the Top Thrill Dragster.  Anything that takes you from 0 to 300 (no joke) in one second is NOT for me. 

I rode the much tamer Gemini.  And I was good with that.  Of course, Ellie was one teeny half inch to short, so I had been riding rides with her all day.  Blech.  I am still not right.

Enjoy the pics of the day!

lucky

Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up and realize how lucky you are?  How truly blessed your life is?  I love days like that.  Days where the little problems and hassles of life seem trivial and even a little stupid.  Days where you bask in all that is good and right instead of all that is wrong and stressful?

Pants are a little tighter?  Who cares!  Meeting our new neighbors and sharing some wine and delicious dessert was worth it!

Husband gone AGAIN?  Who cares!  He has great friends and interests of his own which only makes our marriage stronger.  Plus he always gives extra good back rubs when he gets back.

Kid whining again?  Who cares!  She is healthy and happy and stubborn and wonderful.

Kid wants to wear her bathing suit to her soccer game?  Who cares!  In twelve seconds it will be over and she will be excited to put on her teeny tiny shin guards.

Crack in the kitchen ceiling is getting bigger?  Who cares!  We have a beautiful home that keeps us warm and safe.

Ran out of my favorite coffee?  Who cares!  Ok, I do.  This one is unacceptable.  Moving on.

Cat puked on the rug again?  Who cares!  She is our pet and we love her.  All 25 pounds of her.  Fatty.

Have to run 8 miles today?  Who cares!  It is only running, it is good for me, and I will be able to cross something off my bucket list when this silly half marathon is over.

So busy through the end of October that I can't even think straight?  Who cares!  We get to spend time with our wonderful friends, live life, drink wine, and catch up.

Have to somehow manage to get 4 folding chairs, water bottle, snacks, purse, and 4 year old a quarter mile alone at soccer game?  Who cares!  People love Ellie enough to come watch her play soccer.

A sore tooth?  Who cares!  I happen to adore my dentist.  He is family :)

A slightly dirty house?  Who cares!  I was too busy playing pretend and dress up to notice.

Reading a totally smutty book (when other, more insightful books await) and feeling guilty about it?  Who cares!  We can't read War and Peace every day.  Plus, it is really good!

Stressed out about schools?  Who cares!  It will all work out.  Ellie won't have to attend school in the hood city.  There are options.  Charter?  All girls?  Baccalaureate?  All are options.  Good options.

*********************************************************************************************
I love the "cup is half full" days.  The "seeing the silver lining" days.  Wish they could all be like this. 

I guess they all could be.  If I didn't let myself get so bogged down in the trivial stuff.

A new goal perhaps?

Why do you feel lucky today?  Think about it.  There are lots of reasons if you look hard enough.

bubble girl

What do you get when you cross a big ball filled with air, a pool, and a 4 year old?

All kinds of fun!

only

******DISCLAIMER!  VERY PERSONAL POST.  READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!**********

So there is a big delimma in my life these days.  Huge.  Ginormous. Monstrous.  It consumes my nearly every waking hour.  I think and think and think about it.  Stress about it.  Worry about it.  Endlessly.

The question is, should we give Ellie a sibling.

This sibling could come from us.  A true sibling.  The least likely scenario.  I don't need to be pregnant again.  There are lots of kids out there that need a good home.

This sibling could be adopted.  A less least likely scenario.  For some reason, I always see a little dark skinned child. A complete contrast to Ellie's ivory complexion.  I can see their little different colored fingers entwined walking in front of us on the way to the park.

This sibling could be a dog.  Ha!  We are working on Chris, the dedicated dog hater in the family.

There is only one problem.  Chris and I are totally completely happy with the little family we have.  I certaintly don't need another baby.  I don't even think I want one. 

But I don't want any regrets.  And it's not like I would ever regret another child.  Ever.  And I know that.

But we are still happy with where we are.  With our little family.  The three of us. 

I know people think we are making a mistake, making the wrong decision. 

But I don't know if I can have justify having a baby for Ellie, and not cause we really want to expand our family.  Do you have a baby for your exsisting child?  There is no guarantee they would be close.  Plus, now they would be over 5 years apart.  And every time we ask her if she wants a brother or sister, she says no.

I am justifying and I know that.  She doesn't know what's best for her.  Hell, in this situation, I don't know whats best either.  I don't want her to be all alone when we are gone.  But then again, I am a huge proponent that your family is what you make it to be.

Are we being selfish?  We have it so good right now.

You see, I am an only child.  And I loved it.  As a grown woman, I can see the definite advantages of a brother or sister.  But I don't feel like I am missing anything.  I don't fell deprived of anything.  And I have suffered some major life crisis.  (Hello! mother dying when I was 26 and just getting to know her.  How dare she!?!)  But I still never said, "this would be so much easier with someone to share it with."  Cause I don't know the difference.  You just endure what you have to.  Right?

Right?

I guess I just need someone to say "It's ok!  There are lots of only children out there.  Their not all spoiled rotten.  They are happy.  They lead good, fulfilling lives."

Actually, people have told me that.  But I can see behind them.  I see that they don't really mean it.  They don't mean me harm and they are not judging me, but they don't mean it.  They can't imagine having only one and don't really get it.  I don't blame them for how they feel and I love them for trying to make me feel better.

Or even better, I wish I could see 20 years down the road.  Make sure she is happy.  Make sure she doesn't feel all alone.

It's such a freaking hard decision.  I am so tired of worrying about it.

I could go on and on.  But I think you get the general idea.

thankful

Today I am thankful for:

3 day weekends

an empty laundry basket

flowers on my dining room table

TJ's blueberry soda

being able to run even though I mostly hate it

a girl who woke up on the wrong side of the bed

 with messy pig tails

and mismatched jammies

a disappearing pimple (finally!)

upcoming plans

being me

sheets fresh from the dryer

cartoons that keep a girl busy for 30 minutes

meeting friends for lunch

playing memory

learning new things

new jeans that fit just right

and 4 new tops to go with them

all on sale!

a husband who understands

a mama's need to be left alone

if even for an hour

pandora radio

chicory coffee

with peanut butter toast

and blog reading

big decisions being made

and settling into what isn't so bad after all

today I am thankful for it all

cause it's all good

even the yucky everyday hassles

that tend to bog me down

cause this is it

there is no do-over

no turning back

no rewind button

today I am thankful for remembering that

pictures that don't fit anywhere else and may need some explaining...

My kid looking entirely too old.  She is 4.  Not 14.

Playing soccer on the beach with your dad.  Does it get any better?

FINALLY perfecting the frisbee throw.  We have been working on this all summer.  Look at that!  Right in Dads hands!

Megan changing into her suit.  On the beach.  With nothing more than a towel.  It was quite impressive.  Girlfriend is doing a half iron man next weekend.  That would be a 1.2 mile swim, a 56 mile bike and then a half marathon.  She is amazing this girl.  We will be there to cheer her on.  And Jeff too, of course!  I love having healthy and active friends.  They make me strive to be healthy too.  She is a big reason why I am running my first half marathon in October.  My friend Jen is a big reason too.  Hell, almost my entire book club runs. 5ks, halfs, marathons, half iron mans. It's kinda crazy! 

Golly! Talk about a digress!

Back to the pictures...

Cozy little spot in the city.  But I see a cougar!  Do you?

Throwing and catching popcorn.  Ellie was using the "drop technique."

Cougar made a fool of herself when we let her at the popcorn.  She was very embarrased later.

Turned the corner at the game on Sunday and ran into 2 giant boa constrictors.  Yuck!  Ellie, however, loved them.

I participated in a dance competition to try and win free tickets.  Sadly, I did not win.  I kinda dance like Elaine on Seinfield.

Slider was THISCLOSE to us during the game.  After his little dance, he gave me a ginormous kiss.  Right on the mouth.  I think it made the jumbotron.  Yea.

So there  you have it.  Pictures that don't fit anywhere else, but deserve a spot on the ol' blog.